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Carp Banter!
Blanking-fuelled deranged chunter… It’s what pubs and blank sessions were invented for.
Why is it that whenever you fly to a venue your case/bag is always last out at baggage reclaim?
Time Spent: 3 minutes 12 second.
Conclusion: But at least you know which one is yours – camo!
Do people ever say the word "ledger weight" or is it just "lead"?
Time Spent: 16 minutes.
Conclusion: They looked at us strangely. Answer? Must be "lead" then.
How do they make luncheon meat?
Time Spent: 15 minutes.
Conclusion: Some things are better left unanswered.
At any given time, how many carp are being caught in good old Blighty?
Time Spent: 20 minutes.
Conclusion: We settle on “about 50”. Why? We’ve no idea, but that lead on to…
What is Heather The Leather up to right now?
Time Spent: 1hr and 3 minutes.
Conclusion: Answers ranged from a ridiculous "getting ready for a night out in Trumptens Weedbed" to "probably spiting out someone's hookbait".
Would you eat carp if it was cooked by Gordon Ramsey?
Time Spent: This went on for hours…
Conclusion: So far we’ve had, “no chance”, “maybe” and “definitely” – but not from this country.
We’ve had bacon flavour, sausage flavour, but what about ham – or lamb?
Time Spent: 47 minutes.
Conclusion: Yes, that’s right, 47 minutes on ham and lamb flavours.
Baiting needles. Why are they so expensive?
Time Spent: Ages.
Conclusion: Average £3 for a bit of mental. Jesus.
Why is it that when you know you’re going angling, you can’t get any work done before you leave?
Time Spent: 19 minutes.
Conclusion: Try doing it every day.
Who's the looniest angler you know?
Time Spent: It went on till closing time.
Conclusion: Has to be Derek Ritchie. Catches ’em mind.
What is the smallest tackle shop in the country?
Time Spent: 3 minutes 2 seconds.
Conclusion: The one down the road from us looks about 40ft by 20ft.
Why do mirror carp have the monopoly when it comes to breeding them?
Time Spent: 27 minutes.
Conclusion: What happened to commons and leathers?