An old man rocking on his porch sees a young kid and his fishing pole walking down the dirt road. "Where you goin' with that pole?" he calls. "Gonna get me some fish with this here fishing pole!" answers the kid. Sure enough, as the sun is setting the old man sees the kid going home with a bucket of fish.

Next day, old man rocking on his porch sees the kid walking down the dirt road with some duct tape. "Where you goin' with that?" he calls. "Gonna get me some ducks with this here tape!" answers the kid. "You can't get no ducks with tape!" hollers the old man. But sure enough, as the sun is setting the old man sees the kid going home with the tape strung out behind him and ducks stuck all over it!

Next day, old man rocking on his porch sees the kid walking down the dirt road with some chicken wire. "Where you going with that?" he calls. "Gonna get me some chickens with this wire!" answers the kid. "You can't get no chickens with wire!" hollers the old man. But sure enough, as the sun is setting the old man sees the kid going home with the wire strung out behind him and chickens stuck all through it!

One day, two guys Joe and Bob were out fishing. A funeral service passes over the bridge they're fishing by, and Bob takes off his hat and puts it over his heart. He does this until the funeral service passes by.

Joe then said, "Gee Bob, I didn't know you had it in you!"

A woman is in bed with her lover who also happens to be her husband's best friend. After making love, while they're just laying there, the phone rings. Since it is the woman's house, she picks up the receiver. Her lover looks over at her and listens, only hearing her side of the conversation...

"Hello? Oh hi, I'm so glad that you called,” she says speaking in a cheery voice.

"Really? That's wonderful. I am so happy for you. That sounds terrific...

Thanks...

Okay...

Bye."

She hangs up the telephone and her lover asks, "Who was that?"

What is the difference between a catfish and a lawyer?

Why fishing is better than making love

When you go fishing and you catch something, that's good

If you're making love and you catch something, that's bad.

Fish don't compare you to other fishermen neither.

And don't want to know how many other fish you caught.

In fishing you lie about the one that got away.

In loving you lie about the one you caught.

You can catch and release a fish. You don't have to lie, and promise to still be friends after you let it go.

You don't necessarily have to change your line to keep catching fish.

You can catch a fish on a 20-cent frozen squid.

If you want to catch a woman you're talking dinner and a movie minimum.

Three fishermen were fishing when they came upon a mermaid, the mermaid offered them one wish each so the first fisherman said: "double my I.Q" so the mermaid did it and to his surprise he started reciting Shakespeare.

Then the second fisherman said, "triple my I.Q." and sure enough the mermaid did it and amazingly he started doing math problems he didn't know existed.

The fishing season hasn't opened and a fisherman who doesn't have a license, is casting for trout as a stranger approaches and asks, "Any luck?"

"Any luck? This is a wonderful spot. I took ten out of this stream yesterday" he boasts.

"Is that so? By the way, do you know who I am?" asks the stranger.

"Nope."

"Well, meet the new game warden."

"Oh," gulped the fisherman. "Well, do you know who I am?"

"Nope."

A woman goes into Harrods to buy a rod and reel for her grandson's birthday. She doesn't know which one to get, so she just grabs one and goes over to the counter.

The Harrods salesman is standing there, wearing dark shades. She says, “Excuse me. Can you tell me anything about this rod and reel?” He says, “Madam, I'm completely blind; but, if you'll drop it on the counter, I can tell you everything you need to know about it from the sound it makes.”

She doesn't believe him, but drops it on the counter anyway. He says, “That's a six-foot Shakespeare graphite rod with a Zebco 404 reel and 10lb line. It's a good all around combination, and it's on sale this week for £44.”

She says, “It's amazing that you can tell all that just by the sound of it dropping on the counter. I'll take it!” As she opens her purse, her credit card drops on the floor

“Oh, that sounds like a Visa card,” he says. As the lady bends down to pick up the card, she accidentally farts. At first she is really embarrassed but then realizes there is no way the blind salesman could tell it was she who had farted.

The man rings up the sale and says, “That'll be £58.50 please.” The woman is totally confused by this and asks, “Didn't you tell me it was on sale for £44. How did you get to £58.50?”