Carp Specialist UK
CARPology Features

10 summer promises you always break

Number 7, yeah right!

01 Ditch the bivvy all summer

Why we romanticise sleeping under the stars is a mystery. In your head you’re throwing off the shackles of the bivvy, becoming at one with nature. In reality, we still get frosts in June, the dew in August is horrific and the mozzies will suck you dry.

02 Fish the rivers

You’ve seen all these last-gasp river fish making an appearance in March and you think, yep, I’m definitely going to have a slice of that running-water action. Except you forget that the close season is loooong. By April you’re stuck in on your syndicate water, by May you’re a floater-fishing ninja and by June you’ve forgotten all about the river.

03 Rake a swim

Another romantic notion of creating something yourself, ready for a triumphant ‘#EffortEqualsReward’ hashtag on Instagram. But effort also equals actual bloody effort, and the weed’s already too thick, and you can’t throw the rake as far as you thought and the fish don’t care anyway… sod it, just propose ordering gallons of weed-killing dye at the next club AGM.

04 Get some mates into fishing

All winter your non-fishing ‘once it gets warmer…’ mates have been asking for you to take them on a weekend away by the lake to learn our noble art (of drinking beer next to water). You all have visions of a great lads’ bonding trip, but deep down you know it’s an absolute pain to arrange spare kit, teach them the basics and find a venue that’ll have you. 10/10 will not happen!

05 Put surface gear in car boot

Like the high-vis vests you had to buy for a trip to France, your surface gear might stay in your boot all summer, ready for you to pounce on any roadside floater opportunities, but it’ll never see the light of day, because you’ll never ever find yourself on a road with a carp lake in a handy layby.

06 Make your own bait

If your mate begins a sentence with ‘once it gets warmer, I’ll…’ engage your strongest levels of cynicism. ‘Once it gets warmer, I’ll be out on the patio boiling particles. Gonna save a fortune. Got this amazing garlic recipe too.’ Once it gets warmer you know he’ll be in the pub garden, still buying prepared particles.

07 Fish more

A broken promise we can all relate to. Something always gets in the way. It was the World Cup that ruined all our plans last year. This year it’ll probably be something less important but equally fishing-thwarting. Like a relative dying. Or your partner leaving you.

08 Go on a Belgian road-trip

You watched all the Euro Banx vids over Christmas and you got the travel bug. But you’ll keep putting it off until your mate says he’s got a spare place at Dream Lakes and you decide that’s an easier use of your summer holiday.

09 Take the kids fishing

As above, but possibly more painful. Of course, we all had to start somewhere, and a nice summer’s day is ideal, but there will be tantrums, boredom, shouting and tangles. And that’s before you wake the kids up.

10 Organise the shed

It’s too cold to do it in winter, so you put off that mammoth sorting-out session until summer. But by then it’s too warm to be spending precious time in a shed and not out on the bank… It can wait another year.