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8 things anglers could do when they were single...

Apparently you can love something just as much as carp and they’ve completely ruined your fishing…

1. Leave bait and tackle in the car

No partner, no passengers - right? Singletons can merrily leave a bag of fishmeal boilies in the rear footwell, or waders in the boot, or a not-yet-totally-dry net on the parcel shelf without fear of being shamed. In a day or two that pong becomes normal and you can drive around without noticing it. Not when you start dating, you can’t. And God forbid you ever have to give your partner’s parents a lift with a bucket of bait in the boot…

2. Go fishing whenever you feel like it

The problem with weddings, and engagement parties, and stag dos, and baby showers, and nice romantic weekends away, and birthdays, and reunions, and any other sodding event where ‘we just have to show our faces’ is that they always clash with 900mb of pressure and warm south-westerlies. Always.

3. Store maggots in the fridge

Why are they so squeamish about this one? That lid will never come off. Probably. And, anyway, it’s no worse than that rotting lettuce in the crisper you keep forgetting to hook out.

4. Boil up particles on the stove

“Darling, where’s the big pot? You know I promised to make soup for the homeless tomorrow.” Ah. How exactly do you tell them that big pot now looks like one of those vats of tar on the back of a highway maintenance vehicle after your Coca-Cola tigernuts (massive edge, btw) boiled over? This will be allowed this once, and only once.

5. Use the freezer for boilies

You never minded if your £1.99 Dr Oetker Hawaiian had a slight tinge of Cell to it, but now you’re sharing that big frosty box in the shed apparently it’s just not acceptable. The first bait company to bring out boilies packaged like big bags of peas is definitely going to make a fortune…

6. Take a rod EVERYWHERE

Initially, you’ll get away with this. Romantic first weekend away in the Cotswolds? Of course you can grab a couple of hours at the lake while she has a spa treatment. But that trick will soon wear very thin. There’s only so many times you can suggest a nice walk along the canal and then hitch a massive rucksack over your shoulders.

7. Be the go-to mate for those special catch pics

Single life can be pretty lonely at times, but if you’re handy with a camera at least your carp fishing mates know they can call on you at any time of day or night to witness their special captures. It’s a strange honour to be dragged from bed at 3am to go to a lake to see a fish, but don’t let ‘normal members of society’ tell you it isn’t an honour. And being single, you probably fell asleep in your trackies on the sofa anyway, so you’re good to go in an instant.

8. Have a no-nonsense social-media presence

Life was simpler when you were single. Your Instagram page (before you reluctantly had to change it from Carp_hauling_fieldtester88 back to your real name) ran like clockwork: carp pics in the summer, arty rod shots when you were blanking and tiny perch in the winter. Time-honoured routine, that. But not now, oh no. Now, you’ve got to pose for awkward couple pics at Places You Only Visit To Put On Instagram, like Winter Wonderland. Or ‘getting engaged’. Pfff.